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Post by mikethelemming on Jan 23, 2006 15:12:18 GMT -5
Hit the switch, Turn up the volume, Crank up the music, It's time for another day.
Bass booming With each defining step- Left, right, left, right, Marching to the beat.
Screaming lunatics- Deafening to some. Let it all out, The world awaits.
Flowing love songs, Dance in the streets. Life is about living, Make every second count.
Jazzy tunes, Everything's a blur. Sit back, relax, And enjoy what today brings.
CDs, MP3s, iPods, And the such.
I had a song I enjoyed. Playing on this walkman. But the song is over And the walkman broke.
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Post by jessiree on Jan 23, 2006 15:31:29 GMT -5
i think maybe it should be and the walkman broken but that is jsut me and i like this one great write! ~Jess
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Post by mikethelemming on Jan 23, 2006 17:10:31 GMT -5
i see where you're coming from. it just depends what kind of english you want to use here. i went with the typical way of saying it. i guess i could use the way you suggest to:
I had a song I enjoyed. Playing on this walkman. The song is over, The walkman broken.
but then that disrupts the language from the first 2 lines and the last 2 lines of that stanza. i went with this kind of language to change up the end of the poem. your suggestion would fit this poem but something different at the end made the ending stand out to reveal where this poem was going. so, basically, i set the tone and context throughout the poem and ended with a defining last stanza that should stand out.
why did i do this? because my style of writing relies heavily on endings...i'm big on good endings that impact the reader...maybe too reliant but that's just my writing style
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Post by *GoThIc_FairY* on Jan 23, 2006 21:17:41 GMT -5
Hey, I like this poem a lot
Great Job!
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Post by jessiree on Jan 24, 2006 0:03:49 GMT -5
yeah i understand and i thought i was great but yeah i understand what you are saying and you do always have a really great ending! great write ~Jess
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