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Post by *GoThIc_FairY* on Dec 1, 2005 1:21:32 GMT -5
shattered, broken, lonely lies mistaken upbeat girl now only cries long lasting, neverending ties tangled up and confused wonders why shes beaten and bruised crying hysterically feeling so misused and.. hes running towards her with a bat, it slams into her head and shes wondering if this is the end. it cant be, she has a surprise, and she blows a bullet into his side.
the second part was helped by Celestra (sp)! so, thanks!
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Post by *GoThIc_FairY* on Jan 8, 2006 14:47:12 GMT -5
any one got any tweaking ideas?
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Post by jessiree on Jan 18, 2006 22:04:25 GMT -5
i think it is great but maybe you should elborate on how she was missused and what she was like before and after that event or events........... just a thought though i like it jsut how it is
love ya ~Jess
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Post by *GoThIc_FairY* on Jan 18, 2006 23:30:35 GMT -5
ok.. i had some help with it, so maybe i should edit it-- i will do that in just a few min!
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Post by mikethelemming on Jan 22, 2006 6:12:05 GMT -5
the only thing i can suggest is the end- the gun felt like it came out of nowhere. nice poem here.
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