Post by mikethelemming on Jan 15, 2006 20:35:45 GMT -5
i liked the whole concept of the "innocent betrayal" and it wrapped up nicely in the end. if you're looking to improve, don't worry about the ending because i really like it the way it is.
i wouldn't say it was "bumpy." it flowed nicely, however, i think the message was a tad unclear. from the beginning it seems you are talking to the enemy...but it changes throughout the poem. the only thing that is unsettling is whether we should hate or feel sorry for this person that betrayed us. it sounds like they didn't mean it, but do we hate them?
other than that, i don't see any need to look for help on this poem. overall, i quite liked it. very nice write.
i wouldn't say it was "bumpy." it flowed nicely, however, i think the message was a tad unclear. from the beginning it seems you are talking to the enemy...but it changes throughout the poem. the only thing that is unsettling is whether we should hate or feel sorry for this person that betrayed us. it sounds like they didn't mean it, but do we hate them?
other than that, i don't see any need to look for help on this poem. overall, i quite liked it. very nice write.