a girl..... could be triggering

[*GoThIc_FairY*]

A girl...
stands alone in the rain
it is dark
and there is not another soul in sight
she looks up at the city
through the pouring rain
and sees all the lights
how come nobody wants her around?
Her boyfriend broke up with her..
and her friends all got into a huge fight..
and her parents told her she was a huge mistake
and that she didn't deserve to be alive
she just wanted to die..
in that moment, in that instance
she thought and she pondered of how she could change..
but she wouldn't learn till the future the effect of the change..

In Looks...
she starved herself
just to be thin

in health..
she got hooked on bad habits
like drugs and alcohol..

In her behavior...
she sped when she drove..
and she lied constantly to everyone she cared about

she threw away her life
her days dragged on .. she wondered why ...
was she suffering??...

So...
that night..
when everyone in her house was asleep..
she took a knife...
and killed herself

[mikethelemming]

i like how the second half of the poem flowed and set the overall mood of the poem. especially the second last stanza- i think that was my favourite part. the last stanza was leading up to something amazing but i think you could have said the last line differently. it sounds kind of boring. but other than that i really liked this. you set the mood, tone, and flow of the poem really well.
very nice write.

[*GoThIc_FairY*]

Thanks, and now that you mention it, i can feel how the last line is boring.. she just kills herself.. i could prolly spice that up.. somehow lol... i will work on that!

[jessiree]

i like the end though
because of how great everythhing eles is it helps sets the mood even more
just kind of like a slow read that kind of states to me anyways that it was kind of pointless and her suffering was jsut dreadful......but i am not good with advice on poems so......

later great write
~Jess

[*GoThIc_FairY*]

Well that is good advice! I didn't know how people would take this poem... lol but its all good!